I've been talking to Ryan about how much I don't want to be a bitchy person anymore, but everysooften I find myself unable to control that ugly part of myself. and that part of my brain which makes (ir)rationalizations. I thought I was getting better, but I've started this ridiculous cycle with Kent that is completely killer in a bad way. Have I really just transferred everyone of my insecurities onto that relationship? The one that I feel needs it the least, at least this point in time. So I've pinpointed the problem, lets see how this pans out.
06 October 2008
Root= Self
You know you do things sometimes and you dont realize why or how they came about- and then you try to justify it and its sort of hard to? And then you take a good long look and you realize that your probably really childish/ or immature/ or really emotionally charged and talk it out with your therapist or your best friend or your boyfriend and see the light? and then theres an opportunity to save the situation or apologize and do you take it? its the hardest thing in the world admitting that you've acted in a way to undermine a relationship (which is more than merely undermining a person) especially when you know yourself to be so. very. involved.
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2 comments:
i like that you point out the bit about undermining relationships. how often do we both do that. and how often do we do it to each other?
it's great to have the conversation, but how do we effect the change? i think we know the answer, and it's to meet new people that don't bring out the ugly in us.
friends dont undermine friends...
at least good friends; ever
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