I was recently floored by a <3to<3 that Frances and I shared this past weekend (and to really shake up the tamborine, they weren't alcohol-fueled). I hope that we can pragmatically move past the bullshit, but more than that I hope that I can get over the mental problems that I have with her. Get over her need for attention, her poser-ness, her LA-chic-fake. I know she has a lot to offer, and honestly, it's not like she's leaving my life any minute (especially because of Kyle). So, I guess I'll just have to offer the olive branch, and accept hers.
I'm still torn about what I need to do about my mental situation. And it isn't like I haven't tried behavior management techniques, and such, that's what I've been doing in therapy for the past five months. But sometimes the overwhelming desire to act a certain way trumps any sense of rationality that I have, its like I completely let this darkness ooze over me and this gruesome transformation takes place and everything just falls into the toilet. ALKJF! And I want people to know that all the progress I've made, and we've made, its important to me, it means everything!- and I don't want to seem like this fuckup who's always making bullshit excuses. I sound like such a whiny victim or something.
It's just alot harder than I thought it would be, that's all. And it doesn't help that as soon as I thought I going the right way home, I learned that home was in fact, 2o minutes in the opposite direction.
And it doesn't help that winter is coming upon us, and I get SAD. So...I just have to keep on it.
4 comments:
well, i hate the idea of drugs. but since you've done every other drug in the book, might be time to get into the hard-hitting psychdrugs.
i'll be there soon and then i can see your crazy mood swings in person and be able to have more of an opinion.
and you do need to move past the frances drama. she's got a lot to offer.
I think its easy for you to say 'get over it' esp since you aren't here on a day-to-day basis and see everything that happens. So good thing that'll change soon.
RE: Frances- I know she has Justin to offer...
justin has nothing to do with it. we're not even really talking anymore, much to my disappointment.
frances and i get along great. we had our own heart-2-heart on our way down to san diego last time and our conversation is one of the many factors to why i'm moving down.
Well I'm glad you've made your peace with her, it's not so easy for me. And I would think that you of all people would understand that I need to tread wearily, instead of just simply telling me to "move past it". But hindsight's 20/20.
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