phantom pains

i'm sitting in a mental disorders class and i cannot help but ruminate on the obvious tangent: mental illness. and me. well anyway.

he seems to be lecturing once again on phantom limbs, and the phantom pain associated with them. another tangent, my phantom pain. (baby)

so: ryan brennan always talks about the unnaturalness of love. i suppose i'm understanding that a bit. how unnatural it is to love one person, in a way that even animals cannot do. its not entirely necessary to define the basic survival need to copulate and grow, to define it as love is simply overreaching. in this world that has become so sexed up and so without the bounds of morality (also a made up human notion, much to my chagrin) where does the romantic go to hide? in the scar tissue of my severed arm. i am without appendage, helpless and here i feel a pain. in an arm that no longer is there. but once was. oh stupid brain, now i know why i am so ill equipped.