outwardly bitter and inwardly forgiving, or outwardly unbitter and inwardly unforgiving. is the dichotomy one that makes any sense? can it be related to life in order for one (and this one is me) to explain my overcompensated emotions. 

okay. so Patterson and Kennedy. Kennedy has some diabolical plan to take over the human race and plans it all out. It floats into space and flitters and twitters around until it hits the head of Patterson. He who draws out the plan into fruition. Under his enslaved conditions Kennedy suffers endlessly for he is a slave and in the oddest stroke of irony has become so because of a plan which was his brainchild. He suffers because in his slavery realizes the error of his ways and thus places the backbreaking blame of guilt upon himself. 

But the reality is this, was it really Kennedy's idea? Is anything ever really organic if as represented by the chain of events, ideas float in space until someone catches one? Where did it come from?

I am afraid that perhaps I do not have the ability to turn this majestic idea into a majestic story. But perhaps that is the error that I am applying, that I have expectations. Does a writer write so that one day he can be analyzed in high school and college classrooms- for each of his characters to be peeled away like a potato and cooked until golden brown? Or is a story a story? I need a clairvoyance in this desert storm.