the Intimacy shared mentally is orgasmically sufficient

is it that the conversations i have with myself provide me with higher stimulation? i say what i want to hear, what i would like to hear, forgetting that conversations with myself will never amount to conversations with others. the element of otherness is so necessary.

outwardly bitter and inwardly forgiving, or outwardly unbitter and inwardly unforgiving. is the dichotomy one that makes any sense? can it be related to life in order for one (and this one is me) to explain my overcompensated emotions. 

okay. so Patterson and Kennedy. Kennedy has some diabolical plan to take over the human race and plans it all out. It floats into space and flitters and twitters around until it hits the head of Patterson. He who draws out the plan into fruition. Under his enslaved conditions Kennedy suffers endlessly for he is a slave and in the oddest stroke of irony has become so because of a plan which was his brainchild. He suffers because in his slavery realizes the error of his ways and thus places the backbreaking blame of guilt upon himself. 

But the reality is this, was it really Kennedy's idea? Is anything ever really organic if as represented by the chain of events, ideas float in space until someone catches one? Where did it come from?

I am afraid that perhaps I do not have the ability to turn this majestic idea into a majestic story. But perhaps that is the error that I am applying, that I have expectations. Does a writer write so that one day he can be analyzed in high school and college classrooms- for each of his characters to be peeled away like a potato and cooked until golden brown? Or is a story a story? I need a clairvoyance in this desert storm.

ok, so what if Kennedy wanted to bring about some sort of destruction for the world, and then Patterson was the one who ended up doing it exactly as Kennedy had wanted to, and in that happening Kennedy realized the error of his ways? But less contrite and obviously. How about that?

ideas

there is an assertion that once a single person has an idea, it floats around in space until it is caught by the brain frequency of another. perhaps i will write a story about this:

the main character will be kennedy, and his idea will be (?). and the idea catcher will be Patterson and he lives in Borneo. Perhaps I will have a dream about this tonight to further aid my creativity.