Tumult

Being caught up in the sandstorm of emotions is a trying thing. In my quest for personal growth, I have realized that I used to devalue some important relationships in my life, like my family. I am also feeling very sorry that I haven't committed one thousand percent to Buddhism like I claimed I would- not to say that I'm not trying. It's true that I'm changing rapidly. I'm just feeling a lot right now, and I don't know how I feel about that. Talk about paradox.

I drove on Black Mtn. Road today, off of the 280 North, and there is this beautiful look off point, where the road is low and close to a lake (pond, really) on the right and a ravine and mountain loom to the left. You just feel so little compared to it's majesty, and so appreciative that nature is awesome, even when there is a highway in the middle of it. My mind just went blank because there are no words to describe the serenity + beauty of it. None.

14 May 2007

Beautiful day with smiling happy awesome people. I was so easy and happy about everything and everyone. I just love how engaging individuals make me so much happier to be alive. I long to be engaged, I'm so done with the depressing morbidity of self and individual. I am done being boxed in my brain, to mutter to myself, create scenarios, cut and paste the past. A smile and conversation and you've made my day. I'm so easy to love, and I love so easily. <3

Trite

I am so very glad that I write things out, instead of running my mouth in real time. So. Very. Glad. My own insecurities are alarming to me, and as long as they run rampant through me, I am relieved to have this outlet to jot them out in. So that I can be embarrassed of my self, and also learn to rationalize without frivolity. To maintain sanity in times of chaos.

Transparency

I totally called this one. I KNEW the amount of disparage this new turn of events would bring and lo and behold I got exactly what I foresaw. Unforth, there was no way to avoid this. I'm just so terribly sad at my best friends. Soon to be ex-best friends. I'm not going to be naive as to suppose that I will completely cut them outside of my life, but their presence will be minimal to say the least. Minimal. It's all apart of the growing up process, people are constantly growing into different stages and we're all different. What is naive is love and the belief that it can prevail over the shitstorm that is time. No, it can't. People change. It's sad. But it happens. The more you live the more you learn.

Amore 2.0

The truth is, I need to be told that I've got your affections. I just need to hear it every now and then. I can't help it, I can't put that irrational part of myself away. I'm just a girl

Amor

Today I finally watched Notes On A Scandal. Bravo! The Dame (what SWEET a title) Judi Dench played the part to the T. Without giving away too much information regarding the plot, I will do a one sentence synopsis in order to try and get you to watch the movie. (UGH): The story of a woman who blackmails a woman who fucks her fifteen year old student. 15. In the words of a famous celebutard, "Thats Hot,"

If someone is so enraptured with you that they are willing to go to whatever lengths necessary to make you happy, and are constantly around you, how does that make you feel? I guess I'm into being suffocated if I dig the person back. The point I'm trying to make is, I'm in love! Woo! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. I'll keep you posted...LATER DAYS.

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The Los Angeles Lakers are killing me. I'm talking grabbing balls and pulling hard killing.